All Hallows
Last week, I shared the difference
for me between my Ancestral Dead and my Beloved Dead. As we near All Hallows
Eve, I want to talk about the Recent Dead, where the emotional waters of grief
are shallow and stormy, and easily stirred.
As the earth quiets and stills at
this time of year, both we and the animals prepare to spend more time indoors
than out. In the solitude we can hear more clearly our own thoughts and
emotions. Mine move to the people I have lost in the last turning of the wheel.
The celebrations of Halloween and
Samhain are dedicated to the concept of the spirits of the dead walking the
land. Millions of minds are directed towards this idea on October 31st,
whether in belief or mockery or fun. With such a large pool of energy to
connect to, it is a fitting time of year to actively honor their memories.
Death as a Passage
Just as births are a joyous
occasion and a rite of passage for both parent and child, death is also a rite
of passage for both the deceased and their loved ones. It is meant to be a
moment that alters our lives. After death we are forced to make sense of the sudden
absence of physical life. We are forced to try to put faith in something
fundamentally unknowable.
A
fetus spends nine months in its cocoon, forming and birthing itself. As someone
who appreciates the balance of the natural world, I believe that our spirits,
once released from the larger physical cocoon, spends time to unform from the
essence of who we are into… whatever comes next. Whatever you believe that to
be. I honor the unknowable journey when I honor their memory.
Let Them Rest
I do
believe that those spirits who recently die are in a state of transformation,
even though I don’t know of or into what… it’s where I put my faith. And just
as our hearts are in turmoil at their loss, pulling at the strands of life that
still might be connected to their spirits would pull at that transformation
they are meant to undertake.
Sometimes
the recently dead reach out to us. Sometimes they are not finished. But that
should be their instigation, not ours. So do not call the recent dead to work.
But honor the love you feel for them. Honor that they were in your lives.
Remember them that they will live on.
My Recent Dead
What names sit in your list of
recent dead? Who were they to you? What impact did they have on your life? What
lessons did they bring that challenged you and helped you grow?
This summer we lost a good man, my
uncle, David Ruston Eaton. This loss seemed to bring the mortality of everyone
I love into sharper focus. I will also honor the lives of Connie Salisbury,
Ralph Hall, Arawn our kitty friend, and my grandmother’s youngest sister, my
Aunt Carol Quagliano. I am a better person for having known them, for having
been shaped and colored by their deeds, ideals, and service. I see the threads
that connect us all more clearly every year.
There are many ways to honor the
memory of the recent dead. If they died from illness, you can make a charitable
donation in their name or volunteer time at a hospice. If it was a role model
of yours, see where you can give back, like maybe working with Habitat for
Humanity, or reading stories to children at the library. The one thing death
clearly defines is how important it is to be a part of the life around us.
This year, on All Hallow’s Eve, spend
a moment and share the name of someone who impacted your life, in whatever way,
who passed this last year. Offer a toast to their memory the next time you
share a drink. Tell a story of something you learned from them, or share a
memory that makes you laugh. Light a candle for each life you’re grieving and
be reminded of the light they brought into your journey.
Every life touches
another.
Every death vibrates
in someone’s breast.
May those we have lost
be at peace.
May those who have
lost find peace again.
Ase.
[Revamped from an article originally published October 20, 2010.]
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