The practice of Metta, of
loving-kindness, began for me with a series of repetitive spoken meditations.
The basic premise is simple enough: to have awareness of your emotional state,
awaken your heart to gentleness and teach it to have compassion for yourself,
loved ones, acquaintances and people you have difficulty with. I performed a
twenty minute meditation every night before bed, wherever I was.
Besides being generally more
relaxed and patient, and sleeping well, this work has gifted me the confidence
to trust my own intuition. Maybe it was just the act of meditating every night that
opened the door to reconnecting with my personal voice, but it was the decision
to learn loving-kindness that brought me my awakening and I have gratitude for
it.
I have my voice. I can express my
thoughts and opinions without caring if people disagree with me or criticize me
for what I think. If I want to be able to have faith in what I believe and
share those beliefs, I have to allow others to do the same. Their differing
opinions are not about me, but are woven from their lessons and life
experiences.
We are all threads in the beautiful
tapestry of life. Instead of getting upset or hurt, I use my compassion to seek
clarification, so that disagreements breed conversation and discussion, which in
turn allow my thoughts and beliefs to grow. I find myself acting from a place
of kindness, and no longer out of fear.
How Awakened is Your
Heart?
Or, I could also say, how present
are you in your body? I use this exercise as a test to gauge the connection
between my emotional and physical body, which helps me stay mindful. Relax and
place your hand over your chest. As you say these three phrases slowly, one at
a time, pay attention to your breath and your emotional responses.
Inhale.
Say “May I be well” on the out-breath.
Inhale.
Say “May I be happy” on the out-breath.
Inhale.
Say “May I be free from suffering” on the out-breath.
Repeat
multiple times.
If the words sound mechanical
falling off your lips, you need to open a bit more to connect to your heart
chakra. If you are overly emotional from the go, you will want to do them with the
focus being control instead of opening.
Meditations for
Loving-kindness
These meditations are based on the
ones I learned from Whispering Deer. Spend however long feels right for you at
each step until you feel genuine compassion blossoming in your heart. Be
mindful and present with the words you are speaking.
Self: This is
often the hardest step for those who are raised in Western Culture. Speak each of these phrases out loud.
Reflect on how you feel after each one. Listen to catches and tremors in your
voice that reveal your emotional state. Like a soft-focus gaze, you want to
feel the edges around your heart soften as you repeat it:
May
I be happy.
May
I be peaceful.
May
I have the causes of happiness.
May
I be safe.
May
I be protected from harm.
May
I be healthy.
May
I be strong.
May
I care for myself.
May
I live in peace and harmony.
May I accept myself exactly as I am.
This meditation is to be repeated, until you feel a
softness in the heart. This is the start of having loving-kindness for the
self. While it is easier to have compassion for others in our society, we
cannot take care of others until we can take care of ourselves. Revisit this
meditation again, once you have mastered the others.
Loved Ones:
This should be someone you are close to and have an easy relationship with,
someone you have loving feelings for.
May
[name of loved one] I be happy.
May
[name of loved one] be peaceful.
May
[name of loved one] have the causes of happiness.
May
[name of loved one] be safe.
May
[name of loved one] be protected from harm.
May
[name of loved one] be healthy.
May
[name of loved one] be strong.
May
[name of loved one] care for myself.
May
[name of loved one] live in peace and harmony.
May I accept [name of loved one]
exactly as they are.
Neutral
Acquaintance: Think of someone you interact with, maybe not every day, but
regularly, but not someone you know deeply.
May
[name of neutral person] be happy.
May
[name of neutral person] be peaceful.
May
[name of neutral person] have the causes of happiness.
May
[name of neutral person] be safe.
May
[name of neutral person] be protected from harm.
May
[name of neutral person] be healthy.
May
[name of neutral person] be strong.
May
[name of neutral person] care for myself.
May
[name of neutral person] live in peace and harmony.
May I accept [name of neutral
person] exactly as they are.
Difficult Person: This
can be someone you have trouble having good feelings about in general, or
someone who has acted hurtfully against you. I recommend doing this part at
least twice. Start with someone you just have a bad feeling about and move onto
someone who has hurt you.
May
[name of person you hate] be happy.
May
[name of person you hate] be peaceful.
May
[name of person you hate] have the causes of happiness.
May
[name of person you hate] be safe.
May
[name of person you hate] be protected from harm.
May
[name of person you hate] be healthy.
May
[name of person you hate] be strong.
May
[name of person you hate] care for myself.
May
[name of person you hate] live in peace and harmony.
May I accept [name of person you
hate] exactly as they are.
Any time things become difficult and you feel agitated or
constricted, ease out of it and return to a category or person that is easy for
you.
Tips for Meditation
If you’re someone who falls asleep
easily when you try to still yourself, let me assure you that it’s very common.
It’s actually a way of your body throwing up resistance. It may be helpful to
do these meditations with your knees bent upward, if you choose to lie down. If
you start to fall asleep your legs will fall and wake you, and then you can
slip back into wherever you remember leaving off with the meditation. Another
thing you can do is to sit/lay with your thumb connected to another finger on
the same hand. That physical touch will remind you subconsciously that you are
meditating. They were both helpful tools in my early practice.
Wrapping Up
There is one final stage, which is
to have gratitude for all sentient beings. By the time you are ready for that
step you will most likely discover you already have those feelings of
compassion within you. This work is slow work. It’s not an immediate relief.
It’s difficult to unravel a lifetime of negative thinking. Allow yourself your
feelings and be gentle. Never forget to hold compassion for yourself first, so that
you may be able to offer it to the world around you.
[Updated from an article originally published
September 7, 2011.]
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