The practice of Metta, or loving-kindness, began for me with a series of repetitive spoken meditations. The basic premise is simple enough: to have awareness of your emotional state, awaken your heart to gentleness and teach it to have compassion for yourself, loved ones, acquaintances and people you have difficulty with.
Besides being more relaxed and patient, Metta has gifted me the confidence to trust my own intuition. Maybe it was just the twenty minutes of meditating every night that opened the door to reconnecting with my personal voice, but it was the decision to learn loving-kindness that brought me my awakening and I have gratitude for it.
Today, I can express my thoughts and opinions without caring if people disagree with me or criticize me for what I think. I still worry about it, because I’m human, but if I want to be able to have faith in what I believe and share those beliefs, I have to allow others to be just as opinionated, don’t I?
Their differing opinions are not about me. We are all threads in the beautiful tapestry of life. Instead of getting upset or hurt, I use my Metta compassion to seek clarification, so that disagreements breed conversation and discussion, which allow my thoughts and beliefs to grow. In general, I find myself acting from a place of kindness, and no longer out of fear.
How Awakened is Your Heart?
Or, I could also say, how present are you in your body? I use this exercise as a test to gauge the connection between my emotional and physical body, which helps me stay mindful. Relax and place your hand over your chest. As you say these three phrases slowly, one at a time, pay attention to your breath and your emotional responses.
Inhale. Say “May I be well” on the out-breath.
Inhale. Say “May I be happy” on the out-breath.
Inhale. Say “May I be free from suffering” on the out-breath.
Say each phrase in a strong voice, as if you mean it.
Repeat 9 times.
If the words sound mechanical falling off your lips, you need to open a bit more to connect to your heart chakra. If you are overly emotional from the go, you will want to do them with the focus being control instead of opening.
Meditations for Loving-kindness
These are the meditations I learned from Whispering Deer. Spend days, weeks, months or however long feels right for you, at each step until you feel genuine compassion blossoming in your heart. Be mindful and present with the words you are speaking.
Self: Speak each of these phrases out loud. Reflect on how you feel after each one. Listen to catches and tremors in your voice that reveal your emotional state. Like a soft-focus gaze, you want to feel the edges around your heart soften as you repeat it:
May I be happy and peaceful.
May I have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May I be safe and free from harm.
May I be protected from harm and danger.
May I be healthy and strong.
May I care for myself happily.
May I live with ease.
May I live in peace and harmony.
May I accept myself exactly as I am.
May I accept myself exactly as I am.
May I accept myself exactly as I am.
This meditation is to be repeated, until you feel a softness in the heart. This is the start of having loving-kindness for the self. While it is easier to have compassion for others in our society, we cannot take care of others until we can take care of ourselves. Revisit this meditation again, once you have mastered the others.
Loved Ones: This should be someone you are close to and have an easy relationship with, like a family member or friend. It should be someone you have loving feelings for.
May [name of friend] be happy and peaceful.
May [name of friend] have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May [name of friend] be safe and free from harm.
May [name of friend] be protected from harm and danger.
May [name of friend] be healthy and strong.
May [name of friend] care for myself happily.
May [name of friend] live with ease.
May [name of friend] live in peace and harmony.
May I accept [name of friend] exactly as they are.
May I accept [name of friend] exactly as they are.
May I accept [name of friend] exactly as they are.
Neutral Acquaintance: Think of someone you interact with, maybe not every day, but regularly enough that you have a sincerely ambivalent feeling for. Someone you could enjoy spending time with but maybe wouldn’t be someone on your list of people to call if you wanted to do so.
May [name of neutral person] be happy and peaceful.
May [name of neutral person] have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May [name of neutral person] be safe and free from harm.
May [name of neutral person] be protected from harm and danger.
May [name of neutral person] be healthy and strong.
May [name of neutral person] care for myself happily.
May [name of neutral person] live with ease.
May [name of neutral person] live in peace and harmony.
May I accept [name of neutral person] exactly as they are.
May I accept [name of neutral person] exactly as they are.
May I accept [name of neutral person] exactly as they are.
Difficult Person: This can be someone you have trouble having good feelings about in general, or someone who has acted hurtfully against you. I recommend doing this part at least twice. Start with someone you just have a bad feeling about and move onto someone who has hurt you.
May [name of person you hate] be happy and peaceful.
May [name of person you hate] have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May [name of person you hate] be safe and free from harm.
May [name of person you hate] be protected from harm and danger.
May [name of person you hate] be healthy and strong.
May [name of person you hate] care for myself happily.
May [name of person you hate] live with ease.
May [name of person you hate] live in peace and harmony.
May I accept [name of person you hate] exactly as they are.
May I accept [name of person you hate] exactly as they are.
May I accept [name of person you hate] exactly as they are.
Any time things become difficult and you feel agitated or constricted, ease out of it and return to a category or person that is easy for you.
Tips for Meditation
If you’re someone who falls asleep easily when you try to still yourself, let me assure you that it’s very common. It’s actually a way of your body throwing up resistance. It may be helpful to do these meditations with your knees bent upward, if you choose to lay down. If you start to fall asleep your legs will fall and wake you, and then you can slip back into where you remember leaving off with the meditation. Another thing you can do is to sit/lay with your thumb connected to another finger on the same hand. That physical touch will remind you subconsciously that you are meditating. They were both helpful tools in my early practice.
Wrapping Up
There is one final stage, which is to have gratitude for all sentient beings. By the time you are ready for that step you will most likely discover you already have those feelings of compassion within you. This work is slow work. It’s not an immediate relief. It’s difficult to unravel a lifetime of negative thinking. Allow yourself your feelings and be gentle. Never forget to hold compassion for yourself first, so that you may be able to offer it to the world around you.
Relevant Posts:
Moving Towards Loving-kindness (posted August 31, 2011)
Stillness, Goodwill (posted December 29, 2010)
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